So, a while back my girl and I are playing my least favorite couple game: "I don't know. It's up to you."
Most of us are probably familiar with this circular dance, this illogical trap, this duel of manners.
"What'd you wanna do tonight?"
"I don't know. It's up to you."
"I don't really care. You pick."
"Doesn't matter. Whatever."
"No seriously. You decide."
"I can't make up my mind. You choose."
"YOU FUCKING CUNTSUCKER, DECIDE ALREADY!"
So, after being called a cuntsucker, I decided on a movie.
Enter Paper Heart.Paper Heart is yet another faux-documentary (think Borat, with less naked hairy Eastern Europeans) about Charlene Yi and her inability to experience love and her lack of faith in its actual existence. She hooks up with director Nicholas Jasenovec and the two film Charlene as she tours the country talking to whomever will sit and converse with them.
Enter Michael Cera.
So, we're taken along for the ride, watching a relationship grow right in front of us, while at the same time hearing about all the different kinds of ways people across the country (but somehow mostly from the Midwest and the South) have found the loves of their respective lives.
First off, let me commend Paper Heart for being the only movie to come out of Hollywood thus far to be completely honest in casting Michael Cera to play himself. Kudos. And, on the subject of casting, I found it hilarious that Jasenovec casted Jake Johnson to play him in the film. This is because Johnson is much more handsome than Jasenovec, who looks more like Bill Gates' younger, nerdier brother.
Is it a great movie? No. But, great movies rarely ever make for great dates. It's cute. It's fun. It's awkward.
I give this film the rating of: THIRD DATE. (Best stumbled onto on DVD through your roommate's collection.)
Now, I am most definitely no Cyrano de Bergerac. I am no Romeo. I am no Dear Abby. Yes, every relationship is different. Every romance has an alternate beginning. Every woman is unlike the last or the next.
But, whether you're uninvested and just trying to score or doing your best not to fuck it up because you really want this to go somewhere, the third date does hold significance.
It tells your woman a lot about you or at least who you want her to think you are. You're sensitive. You're funny. You're a romantic. There's more to you than you might have initially led on. This is where a movie like Paper Heart might give you that edge.
Granted, there's a built in character-type that you kind of have to exploit to really play this one off, but, the concepts are all there should you find an alternate. Personally, Paper Heart fits my type to a tee. This emotionally rigid on the outside, plausibly romantic on the inside, indie scholar persona has treated me well.
But, to each cuntsucker their own.
Somebody try this one out and put it to the test. Please notify me of the results.